My Bad Hair Day
HI my name is Ashton and I am going to show you how my birthday went. When I was at my home I came back to a flashback in my head when I turned nine I can remember what happened there. The day before I was in the bathroom and all of a sudden a mutant alien came out of a portal with a big hair shaver in it’s hand. I tried to run over to the door but the mutant alien got there before me. I was trapped. There was no way out of the bathroom. The window was the only place that was my only escape hole. I was getting freaked out. It got hold of me and grabbed my hair and shaved straight through the middle of my hair. I looked hideous. He let me go. I ran and got my mum. “Ashton what happened to your hair?” “No time to explain.” Said Ashton. When we were at the bathroom the mutant alien was gone. My birthday. In the morning I woke up and I thought it was all a dream buuuuut it wasn’t. I remembered it was my birthday today but I wasn’t very happy about that. That is my bad hair day/ birthday party.
HI my name is Ashton and I am going to show you how my birthday went. When I was at my home I came back to a flashback in my head when I turned nine I can remember what happened there. The day before I was in the bathroom and all of a sudden a mutant alien came out of a portal with a big hair shaver in it’s hand. I tried to run over to the door but the mutant alien got there before me. I was trapped. There was no way out of the bathroom. The window was the only place that was my only escape hole. I was getting freaked out. It got hold of me and grabbed my hair and shaved straight through the middle of my hair. I looked hideous. He let me go. I ran and got my mum. “Ashton what happened to your hair?” “No time to explain.” Said Ashton. When we were at the bathroom the mutant alien was gone. My birthday. In the morning I woke up and I thought it was all a dream buuuuut it wasn’t. I remembered it was my birthday today but I wasn’t very happy about that. That is my bad hair day/ birthday party.
I liked the way you and Ashton shared stories and ideas.
ReplyDeleteMy star is that i like the way you and Ashton shared stories and ideas.My wish is that u describ it more.Carly
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed reading this story because you really put a picture in my mind when you said 'I tried to run over to the door but the mutant alien got there before me. I was trapped'. But next time try to include some more descriptive words. for example you could change the word run to something more descriptive such as sprint. But overall there were more positive things than negative things, so be proud of this amazing piece of writing.
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